Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
