I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
