She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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