Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wear drunk well.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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