she was so not down for the gang bang
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
