So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
