I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
