If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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