I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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