apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
