I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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