Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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