What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
