You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
