Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
