so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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