Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
