U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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