There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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