Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
