there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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