it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
