my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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