Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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