he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
