I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
