I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
