dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
