i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
