How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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