Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
