weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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