I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
