There was a lot of him and a little penis
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
