Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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