I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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