At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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