Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Of course I have a pirate flag
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
