So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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