The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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