hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."