Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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