just come out here and I will go home with you...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
