I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.