At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.