During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???