she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet