She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
