Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
