just survived the first fart of the relationship.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
