Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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