I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
