Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
