Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
