I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
