The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
