Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
