i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
