That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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