You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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