VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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