did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
