all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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