4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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