I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
