i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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