she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have already put on my inside pants.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize