Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize