its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
