forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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