you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
