craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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