so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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