He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
