Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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